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Chapter 1: Me So Silly

Once upon a time, you were part of an aspiring crew of potentially-infamous bandits in the merry old land of medievalry. They brought you out to some isolated cottage near the woods, because the person living there allegedly was keeping something very valuable. You're not sure what, since they don't really tell you much about your work. All they told you was to stay near the tree by the trail and fight off anyone who approaches... Which might be a little easier if they'd left you some sort of weapon for self-defense. That was about three hours ago. Maybe they forgot about you... Or maybe they abandoned you because all your raw banditting potential was intimidating to them. Or maybe they snuck away because they don't want to look at your stupid hat. Or maybe they're in trouble! What should you do about those neglectful/jeopardized co-workers of yours?

jaredvcxz: Burn the skullcap before it's too late.

Ball+Link: Go to the house in the background, break the fence and use it to smash all the windows.

Burn the skullcap before it's too late.
Zero_Ctrl: Aw, I think it defines the bandit.

jaredvcxz: I wonder if the real gay wizard will be in there this time.

Link_to_Future: Your fellow highwaymen must be in trouble! They would never be late to an engagement of this magnitude.

Assume that everyone you know is dead and head for the nearest tavern. The only medicine for this tragedy is a liberal dose of alcohol.

715379: Check dat tree, yo.

mate0123: i'm supporting ball+link's idea, let's break those windows without smashing bandit's head this time...

Oh that reminds me, I may do some things differently in different story runs. Like the furniture in the cabin might be totally different, there may not be a bandit locked in the trunk in the basement, and there may not be two fiendish children further down the road. Keeps things more interesting that way.

i'm supporting ball+link's idea, let's break those windows without smashing bandit's head this time...
Ball+Link: Thanks, mate!

If there's one thing bandit guys are good at, it's destroying stuff with fire. Right after robbing, raiding, and 'rithmetic. Now that the stupid skullcap has been consumed in flame, the world is free to gaze upon your embarrassing hat hair. You take a few extra sticks along with you, just in case they might come in handy, or in case you need to start more fires.

Link_to_Future: Love the fire. Speak to the world through it.

Or to put it more directly, begin lighting everything on fire.

715379: Concentrate on a past life to find the location of the sacred Theif-proof jewels your great-great-great-great-great-grandfather stashed.

mate0123: burn the house

Shook: Gaze furiously upon the trees canopy. Maybe your piercing gaze can make your negligent mates appear up there.

jaredvcxz: That hair isn't too bad. I've seen worse. Perez Hilton, anyone?

Ball+Link: Go to the house in the background, break the fence and use it to smash all the windows.

Ekoz: use all your clothes to make a rocking turban. use leaves to cover your manhood.


jaredvcxz: I second this.

You realize while sitting under this tree that it seems your only friend is fire. Indeed, it is man's oldest friend, and this long-lost kinship re-ignites in you (pun intended), so you must communicate your message to the rest of the world. The nearby cabin seems to be the most effective vessel for this message to be delivered, so that is where you take it. Your hair has a similar quality, but it is a much smaller canvas for your art. The world will gaze in awe at the revelation you have presented to them.

... Now what?

715379: Make a companion from those sticks. Even bandits get lonely sometimes.

mate0123: and then burn the companion? i don't think so (?

let's get in the burning cabin, maybe you'll get to rescue some loot before the roof collapses? it might be a crazy decision, but hey, this bandit is so insane already xD


Link_to_Future: To the nearest city. The sermon of flaming purification must be spread to the heathens.

Ekoz: Eat some grass. You're probably hungry after setting all ablaze.

Ball+Link: Pick a fight with that shadow of yours.

Link_to_Future: This idea is full of win.

You take the extra sticks out of your pocket, fashioning the four of them into a sort of ramshackle man that you might confide in and ask for assistance during your travels. He must be given some sort of identity now, like--


715379: Don't put it out. Fire is good. You like fire.

Link_to_Future: Stick your head in the mud. This day it shall save your life and the next it will be a religious rite for your followers.

715379: And the stick's name is ShiftMake the ManStick.

Ball+Link: Now, you must pick a fight with that shadow of yours.

Ekoz: Make a rockin' turban out of your shirt to smother the fire. Then, kick down the fence just because.

Thinking quickly, you remove your shirt and smother your flaming hair in a makeshift, mostly-rockin' turban. The hair might be all gone, and the pain is severe, but at least you have saved your beautiful face. That's the real money-maker.

Then you notice someone who's been eyeing you this whole time... A shadowy figure lurking right behind you... It's your shadow! Quick, kill it! You try beating him into submission with a nearby fencepost, but he seems to be brandishing his own, more shadowy and sinister fencepost. Every blow you make at him is parried by his evil fighting style. What's a bandit to do?

Zero_Ctrl: Fashion the wood from the fence posts into a large and clunky sword.

Also, hey.

Ekoz: Ok then, on a srs note...sharpen your dendrimer into a shank and carefully enter the house.

You briefly use your Bandit Resourcefulness to whittle the fence post into a sharpened instrument, and prepare to advance on the unsuspecting cabin. Suddenly, a strange man bursts from the front door, dressed in robes, and coughing heavily! His house is full of smoke. He manages to cough out at you,

"What's the meaning of this? Who set fire to my house? Are you insane? I bet you're another one of those idiotic bandits trying to steal my new invention! Well I wouldn't even think about it if I were you! I already made short work of your comrades!"

715379: Throw the burning stick at him and run inside. All that smoke must only mean treasure inside.

Back to the end of story 1

On to Chapter 2