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Chapter 2

You viciously chuck your burning stick at this mysterious newcomer and rush inside. You're not sure that the stick actually did much in the way of harming him, but it did at least distract and/or baffle him long enough to give you an opportunity to get inside his burning hut.

The inside is... VERY SMOKY! So smoky that you can't see! You can't breathe! You are reduced to a fit of coughing and you even drop your sharpened fence post in the confusion. This simply will not do. You must find some way to protect yourself from (or escape from) the smoke afore ya get a case o' the black lung!

Shook: Immediately consume all the smoke. Into your stomach. Can't harm your lungs when it's in your belly, right?

You use your powerful bandit esophagus to swallow ALL the smoke. Must be all those merry drinking contests with your fellow bandits... Or perhaps a prior life of crippling alcoholism and gluttony. Bandit Guy has a most mysterious past. At any rate, it now seems that whenever you burp, smoke comes out. Perhaps this will be a useful defense mechanism against predators.

The smoke-free room looks oddly familiar... Like you'd been there before. But at the same time, it all looks slightly different. You can't quite put your finger on it. There's a bookshelf, a tastless rug, and a not-at-all interesting box of secret magical ingredients. Surely that box will not contain anything useful to a bandit.

715379: Break the box and consume 13% of its contents.

You BREAK THAT BOX THE HELL OPEN and discover that it is full of... Plump helmets? Yes, it seems this wizard is very fond of using that dark purple staple of dwarven cuisine. Well, if they can be eaten by dorfs, they can be eaten by a human, right? You sit there and use Bandit Arithmetic to eat approximately 13% of these mushrooms.

jaredvcxz: Try to fashion them into a weapon. Judging by their shape and density, they could make good spear tips with enough carving.

You mold and craft the shrooms into the nearest thing resembling a weapon, and the result is something as crudely drawn as it was planned! This process mostly consists of finding a particularly large plump helmet and wielding it as a weapon.

In the middle of this process, your Bandit Intuition™ causes something to hit you: The wizard is still outside! Why did he not follow this rugged intruder into his house after all the smoke was eaten? Is something sinister afoot? Should you try to counter-ambush his likely ambush, or would it be a good idea to prepare for the SURELY INEVITABLE confrontation?

Back to Chapter 1: Me So Silly